For $48.5M I Better Get a Butler

Whenever I play the “where would you live in this city if money were no object” game, the West Village is always at the top of my list. I imagine early morning strolls through cobblestone streets to get my latte and a perfect pain au chocolat, saying hi to my neighbor Jake Gyllenhaal along the way. (This is my bedroom, Jake! Just in case.)

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This place is nothing like the “little” townhouse I imagine for myself in that dream life. It’s a glass mid-rise with never-ending views of the Hudson River, which I guess will do. The kitchen is a bit tiny, but if you have a personal chef (which I assume you will), who cares? You’ll probably never set foot in it.

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What really won me over about this place is this bathroom (one of TEN). That soaking tub alone would do it if it weren’t ensconced in a million-dollar, glassy view, but the fact that they’ve got a CGI armchair in there really did me in. Imagine having the time, money and space just to have a seat in your bathroom! Though the towel rack is a bit far from the tub, TBH.

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While you do get your own private, 27-foot pool foot on your sculpted outdoor space, I’m a little annoyed that this place doesn’t come with a full-time butler. Because at $48,500,000 (I just had to stop to count zeros) I really expect a butler.

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And if I’m being picky, which I am, the master suite is a bit far from the other bedrooms. I mean imagine if your baby wakes up in the middle of the night! How will you ever get to them before dawn? Though, I’m probably thinking like a peon here. The night nanny will handle that. But still! What if!

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Who am I to judge though? If you’ve got $50M dollars—or $191,000 (estimated) a month for a mortgage—to plunk down on a West Village penthouse and you can deal with running a marathon in the middle of the night to your children who are so cold and lonely, then more power to you. Tell the brokers I sent you their way.

160 Leroy St, Penthouse North, pics via Elliman

Welcome to House Scouting!

I am guilty of being an incurable house scouter. I live in Brooklyn, NY – the epicenter of housing that is both desired and unaffordable at the same time. The envy that I feel, the what-ifs that roll around in my brain, the mental gymnastics that I go through to figure out just how I could land myself in this brownstone, or that apartment, or that other upstate cabin borders on pathological.

It’s pretty silly that I am constantly looking in the first place. I’m one of those few lucky people who’s been in her rent-stabilized, larger-than-average apartment for 16 years. It fits most of my needs (just barely). To keep myself in good standing as a tenant, I do repairs myself and scream at my kids not to stomp too loudly on the floor so they don’t disturb the super who lives below us. I pay my rent on time and try to fly as far under my landlord’s radar as possible. But I’d consider trading one of my stompy children for a second bathroom, or a postage-stamp sized outdoor space, or maybe another bedroom in a heartbeat.

Rather than trafficking in illegal human trade, I figured I’d do something with this never-ending hunt that I’m on and share it with you. Maybe you need an apartment! Maybe you’re a real estate obsessive like I am! I plan on posting good deals in great neighborhoods, absurdly un-great deals in even greater neighborhoods, apartments and houses that you and I are never going to get to live in but love peeking into anyway, and maybe some design scores that you totally should buy. After all, a good chair may be in your budget even if a corner brownstone is not.

If you see an amazing place that you think I should share, by all means, send it to me at: housescoutingsite@gmail.com because sharing is caring.